02 Feb This happened to my mediumship when I became a selfish b**ch.
One day last year, I think it was a Wednesday, I felt tired. Really tired. That kind of tired where breathing feels like a huge effort and nothing is appealing enough to get you out of bed, not even going for a pee.
I was booked to demonstrate mediumship that evening at a spiritualist church in a neighbouring town – I had to find a way to pull myself together.
I lay in bed feeling drowsy, heavy, and slightly depressed.
How am I going to lift this mood, I thought. Half talking to myself and half praying to Spirit.
The thought crossed my mind that a normal person would get themselves a tub of ice-cream and snuggle on the couch on a day like this.
Suddenly ice cream and sofa sounded good.
Then immediately I felt guilty.
Ice-cream and sofa dwelling is no way to prepare for spirit’s work I thought.
And then I felt angry – really freakin’ angry. Angry at myself for my own false judgement of what was ‘appropriate’ for spirit.
I felt angry enough that I suddenly felt motivated to do anything and everything that I’d told myself was too selfish and indulgent for Spirit.
So I lounged on the sofa for a while, then I took a luxurious bath with scented candles. I got dressed up and took time over doing my hair and make-up.
I took myself out to my favourite restaurant for lunch. Someone called and asked me a favour and I said no because I felt like it. I then took myself shopping and bought some beautiful new clothes and cosmetics before putting myself on the train to the church I was to serve.
I arrived at the church feeling relaxed, nourished and fulfilled.
I call it my selfish bitch day – rounded off perfectly by one of the clearest demonstrations of mediumship I’ve ever had the joy to be a part of.
When I had my selfish bitch day, practised radical self-care, stopped judging myself, said no when I meant no and spent money on myself, it seemed to open me up wider, more lovingly and more clearly to Spirit. I could hear, see, feel and know the people who were communicating through me with much deeper understanding because, in my selfishness, I’d lifted my vibration up into the power.
We are taught as mediums that we should not be indulgent, that it’s wrong to connect money to mediumship and that we should be ALL about service to others and Spirit.
But the day I was a selfish bitch was the day my mediumship was clearest.
I think Spirit wanted me to learn that if you’re not being in service to yourself, then you’re not being in service to spirit because you are Spirit. And if you withhold love from yourself then you separate yourself from source and therefore from the people who have returned to source.
If you want to improve your mediumship, if you truly want to align with love and open yourself up to source, try having a selfish bitch day – spoil yourself, luxuriate, say no when you mean no and spend time caring for you.
Spirit is not judging you for looking after yourself. Looking after yourself makes you a better medium and a better person in the world, generally. When you’ve loved yourself, you have more love to give. When your cup is full THEN (and only then) it runneth over.
If you’re recoiling in horror right now at my bad language, or if I’m irking you with this perspective, or if there’s any self-judgement or shame happening, that’s just you judging yourself. Spirit is love. Spirit is one. Judgement implies right and wrong, and right and wrong implies separation, and separation cannot be One and therefore cannot be love.
What would happen to the quality of your mediumship and spiritual work if you had a ‘selfish bitch’ day?
What if you only did what made you truly joyful? Said yes when you meant yes, said no when you meant no and allowed yourself to have, and experience, the things that make you feel good without guilt or shame, knowing that anytime you feel joy brings you closer to Spirit?
Do it. Have a day that’s all about you and your happiness and then go do your spiritual work after and tell me in a comment how you got on. Did nurturing yourself also nurture your gifts?
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